Monday, August 01, 2016

Rapid Response

One of the chambermaids was molested inside a guest room as she was performing daily room servicing duties.

The molester was not the person checked into the room, rather a passing opportunist, who afterward proceeded to the public bar & commenced drinking.

The girl reported the incident to the Head Housekeeper, (words have meanings, "molest" does not mean "rape") Mine Host was consulted, the matter was deemed "police-worthy".

In the pub trade one must very carefully weigh up any matter before calling the police.  (The police are not the friend of the law abiding citizen)

Mine Host called Triple-Zero.

The police are never far away in a small town.  They are Two blocks from the Wayside Tavern.

The police took 55 minutes to arrive.

The culprit was by then very much finished his drinking, and had long gone.  Perhaps the police will identify him, or even catch him one of these days.

Mine Host cannot help but wonder how it came to pass that a 30-man police station in a small town took 55 minutes, in broad daylight, to attend the molesting of a young woman, when the offender was lurking nearby juicily lounging around waiting to be arrested.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Should have paid attention in school

Having lived all his young life in a state where pornography was illegal (including Playboy magazine) and where a "rude picture" was unobtainable, Mine Host has little grasp of the concept of what it is like for the current generation of young fellers, who thanks to the invention of the internet, have free and ready access to far more than "rude pictures" that are so tame they'd not be out of place on the front cover of Vogue magazine.

However, as some Wayside Tavern staff are able to attest, access to "rude stuff" via the internet isn't as easy as one may assume......

....... a couple of the kitchen staff, aged well into their Twenties, decided - as you do - to surf for some "really good stuff" of a genre they'd not seen before.

Then their search hit a dead end.

It transpires one is able to readily access infinite amounts of unbelievably explicit video-clips or images, all you've to do is type what you seek into a search engine.

After several minutes of trying all sorts of combinations into Google, disheartened and disappointed, they gave up.

While wondering just how many possible combinations there can be to the simple 4-letter word (or should have been 4 letters) they were endeavouring to search for, Mine Host is of the belief that they'd have done better had they dropped the double-"n" from "annal" (and every other combination thereof).

So continues life when you're dealing with the produce of the modern western education system!

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Equal Measure!

Taken in the yard of the Wayside Tavern last night.
Empty beer kegs to be returned to the breweries.

Those with a sharp eye and experience in the Australian beer industry will have noticed something:
Half of are from the XXXX brewery.

Half are from the Carlton brewery.

Carlton & United Breweries selling draught beer in equal quantity to XXXX.

I've never seen this before.  Not in a pub with a static clientele of Queenslanders.

A few years ago CUB came up with a new beer, which has been making steady inroads into XXXX's market - culminating in this photo.

For the past few decades XXXX has held an overwhelming majority of the market share in Queensland - especially non-tourist areas, and those places without large numbers of internal immigrants from the deep south of this great nation.

Though it must be noted that XXXX was never as popular in the north.  Being a southern Australian beer it was never able to glean in the north the same strength of brand loyalty it got in its southern home base.

So continues life behind the bar!

Monday, May 23, 2016


Made Two triple-Zero calls this week.
Was wondering if there'd be a third - to add symmetry (Three Zeros - Three calls)
It was not to be.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Welcome to Australia

One of the more maudlin moments in internet history was the sudden and unexplained disappearance of: "Cigarette Smoking Blog" by Helen Rittelmeyer.

Though discovered only a few weeks prior to its demise, it was one of Mine Host's favourite reads.

Riveting content.  (Subject matter that appealed heavily to Mine Host)
Well written.
Now gone.

The authoress had apparently moved from North America to Australia, and compiled the above list of pros & cons to life in Australia.

She list the following as "positives" about Australia:
Good weather  -  Depends which part of Oz.  (Apparently much of North America has quite bleak weather)
Lamb very cheap - Is this true?  Why would anybody notice?  Beef is the one natural food on this planet.
Kookaburras - Agreed, lovely sound.
Women glow, Men chunder - A common enough sentiment, though not often one hears North Americans spruiking it up as one of Australia's more pleasant aspects.
Never have to learn Civil War history - I don't understand the question.
Monarchy -  Easy to see why she'd think this - when you consider some of what gets voted in as President over there.
True Love - Can't argue with that!

Sharp-eyed Helen Rittelmeyer has detected a couple of areas in which Australia could do with some improvement:
Bourbon very expensive - I do not understand the question.
Upside-down - Ms Rittelmeyer clearly has her desk globe inverted, this is easily rectified.
Get hit by car b/c looked wrong way crossing the street - I do not understand how this can be.
Bad coffee - Nobody from North America is in any position to level such an accusation at Australia.  In fact she should go to jail just for saying this.
Fewer magazines to write for - She's clearly so starstruck by love that she's overlooked such things as, telecommuting, or the internet.
Miss U.S. Friends - Is this the title of a beauty pageant?

We'll vote later on whether she can stay here.
Mine Host strongly urges a "yes" vote.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Office of No Fact Checking

The Fair Work Ombudsman is among the more intellectually substandard of government agencies.

An example:

A disgruntled former employee made a complaint against Mine Host (this is quite common in the hospitality industry).

The Fair Work Ombudsman's first move is always to take a couple of months to get around to looking at the complaint.

Their second move is always to place a phone call to the "employer" (the actual terminology in their literature was "wrongdoer").

However this phone call is placed not to Mine Host, not even to the Wayside Tavern, but to the public bar of a pub some 1,900 km distant.

This other pub's name is nothing like the Wayside Tavern.  There is no connection.  No mistake.  Calling the wrong premises is deliberate.

The FWO staffer spills everything to the barmaid who answers.
She laps up all the salacious details and writes everything down (all the better to gossip about later.)

Her boss happened to take the next call, and pointed out that they were calling the wrong pub.

This did not bother the FWO, who said this was "not their concern" and pressed on regardless, informing the bemused publican of all the penalties that would apply not to him, but to Mine Host, etc etc etc.

The colleague publican phoned Mine Host, to inform him that the Fair Work Ombudsman was telephoning random total strangers to blab confidential information.

Mine Host phoned to the loose-tongued one at the FWO, a Mr. Duck O'Prewse-Coe (that is how his name sounded, he spoke broken English and was culturally most unfamiliar with Australia).

Mr Ducko was unmoved when Mine Host appraised him of Commonwealth Privacy Legislation.  Mr. Duck retorted to Mine Host that all that stuff "didn't matter".

Hmmm.... we'll see about that.

Mine Host then enquired why the Ombudsman would do something so utterly stupid as to phone a total stranger more than a thousand miles away, and blab confidential information to them?

The response (note: I am not making this up) was that the person making the complaint must have "given the wrong number then", as if that absolved the public servant of any blame for blabbing confidential information to random strangers.

Mine Host casually enquired of Mr. Ducko if the Fair Work Ombudsman ever did any of their own research - for example verifying phone numbers (say via the White Pages) - y'know, just to avoid situations that may end up with them being fired from government service for breaching privacy legislation, that sort of thing?

Mr. Ducko seemed to not understand the question.

Mine Host then asked:  Why had Mr. Ducko blabbed to a low-level staff member at the other pub, instead speaking to the manager?

Mr. Ducko seemed to not understand this question either.

The matter to'd and fro'd with a few phone calls over the next couple of weeks.

Somewhere, in between phone calls, Mr. Ducko must have done a bit of research into the provisions of the Commonwealth Privacy Legislation.

For in subsequent phone calls Mr. Peruse-Coe seemed to no longer be dismissive and buoyant about Mine Host's mention of said Commonwealth Privacy Legislation, in fact he seemed most strained and unwilling to dwell on the matter.

Mr. Ducko proved to be most receptive when Mine Host pointed out a fatal flaw in the complaint.  Mr. Ducko latched onto this flaw (like a blue heeler with lockjaw) and wasted no time in declaring the case "closed".

Follow up paperwork swiftly arrived confirming the matter was dead.

So continues life in over-regulated small business Australia.

Sunday, March 06, 2016

Cause not matched to "cure"

(Now former) Premier of NSW Barry O'Farrell resigned over minor inconsistencies in his recollections (or not) of receiving a bottle of wine as a gift.   Several years beforehand.  In what was the first few days after he was voted into office and busy forming government.

Way out of perspective?  You betcha!

The authority which fearlessly nabbed him, the NSW anti-corruption commission, ICAC, was not formed to root out the odd undeclared gift of a bottle of plonk.

However an entire week of Commission hearings was devoted to nothing but the very peripheral and very throwaway issue of one bottle of wine.  (Wonder what the real story was, politics is a dirty game - he was brought down by a bottle of wine?  Yeah right!)

However...... nobody should be sorry this fool is out of power.  He deserves every bit of public humiliation he gets;

For early in his premiership he did this, which some may remember:

In response to a pedestrian being beaten to death in an unprovoked attack on the street at 10pm, O'Farrell brought in tough laws to prevent any future attacks.

He legislated pubs to cease admitting patrons at 1.30am, and cease serving liquor at 3am.
All bottle shops in the entire state must cease sales at 10pm.

There are further rules on glass in pubs after 11pm, spirits (including single malt scotch) can be served after midnight only if it is mixed with Coca-Cola or other sugary fizz.

In O'Farrell's mind this is going to prevent a street mugging at 10pm?
Neither victim, nor killer, had been inside a pub that night.

Thus Mine Host is justifiably of the opinion that Barry O'Farrell is a buffoon.
Mine Host's opinion is correct.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Self Control

Ian Levers, President of the Queensland Police Union, has admitted striking people on duty.  When provoked.
Mine Host, on occasion a fierce critic of Qld Police, no admirer of their ethos, and a regular objector to many of Mr. Levers' statements, is here in full agreement with Mr. Levers.

The average Qld Police uniformed officer has, in Mine Host's opinion, exhibited commendable self-restraint when provoked, to the point they are compromising themselves.

Some of the spitting, sneering, invading personal space, etc that Mine Host has seen dished out to officers who are doing nothing more than walking the beat, should have resulted in a clobbering.

Most, nay all, cheek shown to police officers would not be exhibited toward any other two fit young men.  Were the same two officers copping abuse etc be not in a police uniform, but a t-shirt, they'd get very little cheek.

One only has to see how little cheek is given to, say, bikies to comprehend the difference.

The police should have respect.  When they fail to react in the face of intense provocation, they are exhibiting weakness (in the eyes of those insulting them.)

Mine Host believes the coppers should, when spat at, or insulted, get those nightsticks out and use them, and use them properly.

If giving curry to a copper resulted in the same scale of flogging that one would receive from a woodchopper or shearer, then there'd be a whole lot more respect for the police.  And a whole lot more listening when they speak.

Mine Host cannot fathom why the police don't belt people who actually ask for it.

Sunday, September 06, 2015

Photographic Discrimination

Due to the Wayside Tavern being in an extremely remote location, Mine Host requests all job applicants include in their application a photograph of their "hospitality face".
In evidence that a goodly portion of the population is incredibly stupid, this request is more often than not assumed to mean that Mine Host is hiring based upon looks, rather than upon merit.
A near daily event is a snarky no-correspondence-will-be-entered-in-to email from yet another job site, closing Mine Host's job ad.
These your-advertisement-is-deleted emails all say the same thing:
"Your advertisement breached our guidelines for posting ads,"
"Your ad asked job seekers for a photograph, this is illegal/inappropriate/whatever."
No it isn't.  There is no law preventing an employer asking for a photograph through a job ad.  (A couple of the stupider Human Rights Commissions in some states publish "guidelines" saying that employers "should not" ask for a photograph)
However, there is no law against it.
Nor is asking for a photograph prohibited by the terms and conditions of most job websites. (Mine Host has become adept at reading those "terms & conditions")
This does not prevent moronic 22-year old web administrators with no-life-experience from closing down Mine Host's advertisements, regardless of how carefully worded the request is.
Words have meanings.  The phrase "hospitality face" means just that.  It is not another way of saying "only beautiful people need apply"
An extremely handsome or attractive person may have the most inhospitable of faces.
Some examples below of people who could be considered attractive, but whose resume, on the basis of their sour look, would be binned by Mine Host:

 Below this are some photos of people who may not be considered the most attractive, but who all are showing a fantastic "hospitality face"



Anyone notice the difference?
If you do, you're ahead of most people Mine Host speaks with.  The concept seems to be too difficult for some to grasp.

So continues life as a misunderstood employer in a land full of dimwits who, incredibly, are allowed to vote.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Password Protected

The careful observer will have noticed this blog has not been updated for a few months.

Was this due to the blog host being indisposed?  Or suffering from writer's block?  Or just plain lost interest?

None of the above!

Mine Host's computer had one of those Windows auto updates, which caused the "remembered" passwords to no longer be remembered by the system.

... the blog was locked....

For reasons too numerous to go into here, password recovery was not an easy option.  Instead every day or two yet another password and user name would be tried.

Cracked it just now!

Normal posting to resume forthwith!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Magic Document!

In this mighty land Australia there are enough unproductive, unnecessary and pointless administrative tasks that are mandatory, thus Mine Host has little appetite for electively embarking upon pointless stuff.

Then was discovered the power of the "Organisation Chart"
At first this phrase had no more meaning than the: "Yabba Dabba Doo Chart"

Mine Host had to enquire of his Accountant what is an "organisation chart"?

"Sort of like a family tree mate, but of the staff in the business.  It is like those charts you draw in the army, showing which rank commands which platoon, etc etc."

Thus Mine Host finally grasped what is an "organisation chart".

Unable to see the point of wasting the time to draw one, Mine Host paid little attention.

Then came the era of sponsored overseas staff.  The really switched on and alert (cough) Australian Immigration Department insisted upon every application being accompanied by an "organisation chart".

For, y'see, the existence of an "organisation chart" is proof that a business is actually operating.

Once Mine Host grasped the significance of this document, and that the vampire of 90% of irritating and pointless questions from the Immigration dept could be stymied by the garlic of a brief 15 minutes spent generating a chart in Microsoft Excel ....  he commenced churning out "organisational charts" faster than T-models coming off the Ford Motor Company production line.

The effect has to be seen to be believed.

The Immigration Dept has a most unhealthy both-hands-inside-the-pocket-of-their-overalls fascination with an "org chart".

And not just them, it'll shut up no end of pesky authorities, including supposedly savvy corporations (eg, banks).

You couldn't make up stuff like this.

The chart above was whipped up by Mine Host in response to a demand by the Immigration Dept.

Y'all ain't gonna believe this, but the chart above was accepted as proof the Restaurant Manager is actually working as a ..... restaurant manager, & not as say, a chambermaid or bartender.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Election Gaffe #2

Era:  Current, during the recent Queensland state election campaign.
Scene:  Driveway of the Wayside Tavern.
Cast: Driveway staff, driveway customers.

Couple of cars in the driveway, occupants being served by driveway staff.  Few people & miscellaneous off duty staff lounging about.

Unknown member of the public walks up, dressed in over the top Squattocracy themed clobber (the sort of ridiculous stuff that only TV soap operas could possibly imagine Australian graziers actually dress in)

The enigmatically dressed stranger speaks;
"Hi" (not a good word, gay overtones, could lead to a beating)
"I'm Rupert Poonceton, the LNP candidate for the electorate of Dilligaf  "
(This doesn't mean much, except to Mine Host, as due to the inspired Australian naming system, most electorates have a name that has little or no geographic or historical connection to the electorate - The seat may as well be called "Robert Redford", as the name has no local recognition)

Just then a young bloke drives up in a Toyota (meaning a landcruiser 4wd with a flat tray back)
The vehicle reeks a little, but this is nothing to remark upon, work vehicles occasionally have somewhat of a pungent tang to them.

As the cheerful young driver alights, the prospective member for Dilligaf introduces himself in his signature metrosexual fashion, then wrinkles his nose and speaks:
"I say fellow, yonder conveyance is giving off a most pungent odour, what is it that assaults so my olfactory senses in such a malign fashion?"  (perhaps not quite his wording, but very much how he sounded)

Not the actual vehicle or driver referred to in this post.
"Pig's blood mate!  Shot a coupla porkers yestaddy 'n' 'avven got around to hosin' 'er orf yet.  She's been in the sun all day, bittuva stench, but I'll give 'er a good slosh with the hose when I get 'ome 'n' she'll be apples!"

"Er... are you certain that vehicle is entirely sanitary?  Should you be allowed to drive around in it with unwashed blood on the back?"  Spoke the candidate, exhibiting clueless political judgement.

That last sentence cost him probably Twenty votes.  You could feel the votes hitting the ground.

With this the hopeful candidate flounced off, probably to locate a health inspector or somesuch to demand that an infringement notice be issued to the young feller driving the unwashed and stenching Toyota.

The really peculiar part?
The hopeful candidate was raised in the district, yet has spent so many years away as a political advisor to the National Party, with the result that he is now totally disconnected from his root culture.

A deeper message is contained in this post.  It is a real life parable on the advisability of allowing political staffers to be preselected for seats in parliament.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Election Gaffe #1

A snap election has been called in the state of mighty Queensland.
The current state government has a thumpingly large majority.  The election is pretty much about how much the opposition will eat into this majority.
Sideshow:  Will the Premier, who has been in parliament only one term, retain his seat?  The marginal electorate he represents is likely to have everything thrown at it by the opposition and unions, in an effort to remove the hardcase conservative (in their eyes) and replace him with one of their own.
Not helpful to the ALP attempt to remove the sitting premier:  The ALP candidate put up against the Premier is a bland under-achiever.  The same under-achiever who lost the seat to him.
Back to the point:  The Premier has today announced that he will "create" 200,000 jobs in Qld if re-elected.

There may be some difficulty with this.
1)  The Premier's increased red tape makes doing business more difficult.
2)  For any real improvement in employment the Fair Work Act has to be abolished.  Unfortunately for the Premier, the job-killing Fair Work Act is federal legislation, which he has no control over.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014


This bread (well, bread-to-be) came from a plot of about 2,000 acres.  The paddock was about 3,000 acres, but not all was cleared for farming, the lesser quality soils weren't bothered with - example the part in the photo.

Dumping wheat on the ground is far from ideal.  It was not common practice.  However it has to be harvested when it is ready, there was only 200 tonnes of on-farm storage, and there is a time frame in which to deliver it.  The depot closes on a certain date, and that is "it" for deliveries for that season.

I forget the yield.  I kept a ledger of every truck that loaded, there was about 3,000 tonnes handled this way.  It went about 17% protein, which is about par on that country.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Card Fees

Mine Host's mobile phone rings.  His number is a state secret, thus the caller is likely quite important.

The caller is actually some cute salesgirl for some life insurance company connected to American Express.

The cute voiced girl blunders onward with the sales pitch.

She misses the verbal clue from Mine Host that he is not happy with the call, but is prepared to listen.

She drones on, Mine Host tunes out.  Eventually she gets to the part where Mine Host has to verbally agree to her charging money to his American Express card.

He says "No".

Mine Host calculates that she has taken up Seven minutes of his time.

He informs her that he will divert to a competitor's card the next several thousand dollars that his customers wish to put onto their American Express card.

Waste Seven minutes of Mine Host's time, have several thousand dollars diverted to Visa or Mastercard.

Something for American Express to think about.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Just Dessert

The Wayside Tavern makes most desserts from scratch.
The standard of our dessert is a matter of quite some pride in the kitchen brigade

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


A little kitchen theatre. Actually a routine part of cooking.  Quite spectacular to watch.  Sometimes far more flashy than it looks, sometimes not so much.
So continues life under the long tall Chef's hat.

Long night, early morning

The current slower economy means there are only Five chefs working at the Wayside Tavern.  However there is still plenty of work to be done.
After the kitchen has finished serving up the restaurant orderd for the night, and the washing up is done, the work is not over.

Everyone is tired.
Any kitchenhands have wearily knocked off.
The waiters are closing down for the night.
The last stragglers of diners are in tete a tete over the remnants of their wine.
The front office is reconciling their shift and ready to go home.

But the chefs are straight into the work of preparing for the following morning's breakfast.

Breakfast starts early, nothing like being prepared, no nasty surprises first up.
So continues life under the long white Chef's hat.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

On the Shelf

Segment of the top shelf in the Wayside Tavern's bar.

A most serious accusation has been levelled at the Wayside Tavern.
Specifically, of stocking only the cheapest and roughest whiskies.

Judge for yourself.

Pictured above is a segment of the single malt section of the top shelf in the private bar.
There are plenty more, but this is a fair guide to the range and variety of styles regularly stocked.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Market Forced

Two large supermarket chains (gee, wonder which two that would be?) have branches in town.

On the recent Queen's Birthday public holiday, and all other public holidays, especially the Easter/Anzac Day week, the staff at each of the large supermarkets keenly anticipated the big money they'd get for working public holidays.

It was not to be.

Regular staff a each of these two large supermarket chains (gee, wonder which two that would be?) were miffed to discover they were not rostered on to work on any public holiday.

The work (shelf stacking, etc) was all done by juniors.  Schoolkids who (of course) aren't at school on public holidays.
The public holiday rate for juniors is a whole lot less than that which must be paid to adults.

The supermarkets shafted their regular staff, but saved thousands of dollars.

So continues life for ordinary workers in a nation with prohibitive penalty rates.