Sunday, May 22, 2005

Take the long way back...

Richard Cranium sits at the bar, sipping his 1st drink & giving a fair bit of lip to 4 robust men at the next table. They take it without comment, but are itching to give something back.

This is Mr. Cranium's 3rd visit to the Wayside Tavern, it will also be his last. His behaviour on both previous visits resulted in him being thrown out before he even ordered a drink.

Mine Host is perfectly happy to allow nature take its course. Richard Cranium is 19 years old, feeling strong, nothing can touch him. His aggressive attitude to others is being directed onto the 4 men at the next table.

After considerable bad language & obnoxious behaviour, Cranium finishes his drink, demands another & is refused service for reason of disorderly conduct.

Becoming even more obnoxious, both to staff & the 4 men at the next table, Cranium grabs a bottle of cordial from behind the bar & runs. Nobody does anything to stop him.

Note: Nothing is theft until the stolen object has been removed from the premises.

The 4 men who have borne the brunt of Cranium's insults watch him run, the instant Cranium crosses the threshold onto the street the oldest of the 4 says to his companions... "Get him boys"

The 3 Constables do as their Inspector orders.

Cranium is running & laughing, waving the cordial bottle. Seeing 3 strong young men in hard pursuit, the look of glee evaporates, the cordial bottle is dropped & he runs for his life, fear lending wings to his feet.

The 3 off duty police swiftly overtake Cranium. One grabs him by the waist & uses Cranium's own momentum to drive him into a handy brick wall. Cranium collapses face down onto the concrete footpath.

The next constable launches himself from several feet away & lands with all his weight, knees first, onto the back of Craniums prone torso.

There is no cheek left in Richard Cranium.

Two of the pursuers now take an ankle each, & drag Cranium face down along the footpath, & accross the street.

None of them even look back to see how Cranium is coping with being pulled by the ankles face down accross a bitumen road & along a concrete footpath.

Nobody even checks that Cranium is conscious.

A mobile phone call is made, a police car arrives, Cranium is thrown into this car.

The police station is the opposite side of the block to the Wayside Tavern. Mine Host can make it there at a trot in 45 seconds.

The police car (containing the prisoner) sets off in the wrong direction. It takes 45 minutes for the prisoner to arrive at the station.............

Richard Cranium, in the years since, has never given any trouble or done anything to bring attention to himself.

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